Matthew 25:35-40
35 for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36 I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.’ 37 Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food, or thirsty and gave you something to drink? 38 And when was it that we saw you a stranger and welcomed you, or naked and gave you clothing? 39 And when was it that we saw you sick or in prison and visited you?’ 40 And the king will answer them, ‘Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.’
I am a socialist...if it were up to me we would have single payer healthcare. I work for an HMO and my job depends on it’s survival. As an RN my priority is the welfare of my patients. To some this might seem conflicted at best, but I’m at peace with it. In the words of Mick Jagger, “You can’t always get what you want but if you try you might get what you need”
Some of you are going to the polls tomorrow hoping that your vote will make health care reform go away because it is “socialized medicine” Please trust me when I say that it is not. Some of you think that it will cost us too much money but war and killing people in foreign countries cost us more. The tax cuts for the top 1% of americans add more to the deficit than health care reform. Folks I hate to break it to you but none of you are in the top 1% and never will be.
On March 23rd, the president signed the health care reform bill and with many other progressives I was complaining that it wasn’t enough, but on September 23 several things happened as a result of that health care bill.
First my now 19 year old daughter will be covered under my policy until she is 26. If she wasn’t she would be uninsurable because as an infant she had so many ear infections her ears are scarred and her eardrums perforate every time she gets on an airplane. Second your child who might have asthma or have been born with a minor cardiac defect can no longer be dropped from your insurance plan. Third, if you have a catastrophic medical problem your insurance company can’t say, “Oops you’ve exceeded your limit.”
In addition there won’t be co-pays for preventive services. Things like mammograms, cervical cancer screening, bone density studies, colorectal cancer screening, immunizations and some blood work will not incur a copay. You will be saving money.
Some of the insurance companies want you to think that this is going to drive costs up. I don’t think it will. I was privileged to listen to the president of the HMO I work for speak recently. We aren’t worried because we are forerunners in preventive health care; our patients will continue to come first, and we will remain a “not for profit” HMO.
I am writing this tonight because I know some of you have been given incorrect information about health reform. Certain candidates are telling you that they will fight to repeal health care reform. What they are telling you is not in your best interest. These people are masters at manipulating and inciting fear in people. Some of you I know who are against health care reform have your kids on Medi-Cal. I don’t condemn you for using government funded health care but think about that when you vote. Think about the kids who will be denied health care while yours are covered.
I started this post with words from the gospel of Matthew; “Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.” Meditate on these words as you fill out your ballots and follow your heart. Vote for who you feel is the best person for the job.
Peace
Monday, November 1, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
Mortgage
It's finally over. My mortgage was modified after 18 months of jumping through hoops for the bank. I think that they expect you to cave and give up...I refused to do that...We were taken advantage of by a friend who worked for a large mortgage company. We didn't have a sub prime mortgage but we were told that our payments would only go down...If something sounds to go to be true it probably is... I am so grateful that this is over. We now have a 2% interest rate that will adjust in 5 years but never will go over 4.2% which is reasonable.
I think what bothers me the most is that friends can't be trusted.
I think what bothers me the most is that friends can't be trusted.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Moving on
It is time to get some help in overcoming the trauma of being kicked out of an episcopal church. I've been too pissed off for too long.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Grace
My last post was well...angry at best. Yet I have hope in spite of the system, in spite of people who lie, who don't hold up there part of the deal, and who let us down. I have hope because God loves me and because people don't always represent God even if they say that they do. I know that houses don't matter, and where I live doesn't matter really (although I would much rather live in Marin). What does matter is that God loves me and has called me as her own, and that there are some cool shoes in the San Francisco Macy's....
Friday, August 27, 2010
Home Loan Modification
Okay everyone I am mad. I just wrote this on a site called Loan Modification Hell and thought I would share it with everyone, with an addition or two..
Loan modification hell...I think it is worse than hell. A year ago in April I applied for the Making Homes Affordable Program. My ARM (which was sold to us by and unscrupulous broker with country wide) was going to adjust in August of 2009. I thought with interest rates going down that it would be fine but was told that it would only adjust up, and up it was going from 3400 a month to over $8,000. There was no way I could pay that even if my husband's business wasn't floundering which it was. I applied sent all, of the paper work, and kept paying the $3400 a month. I called about every two weeks and they said everything was going well. In August of last year my payment went up to over $8,000 a month I called to make a payment telling them that I could only pay the $3400, but that I had paper work in for the modification. I was told "We don't take partial payments" and "Your modification was denied you didn't send in the paper work". So they refused a partial payment I didn't have a spare $4600 on me so no payment. I reapplied for the program and was told that I would have trial payments but not to make a payment until I heard back from them. I called weekly and was told "we are behind" In November I reached someone who said that I was supposed to be making a payment of 2,300+ for three months and that I should start right away, I sent all additional paperwork requested and continued to make the "trial" payment. I called every week and was told every thing was fine just keep making those payments "we are really behind but everything is fine"
On March 23, 2010 after making 5 "trial" payments, I received a Fed X package... I thought this was it my modification but No. It was a packet telling me that I should start my trial payment right away that I was eligible for the Making home affordable program and I needed to send in the documents yet again. So I did and started my new trial payment in April.
I received another FedX packet in May with a new IRS form to fill out. They wanted my husbands name on it first because his name is on the loan first. I explained that the instructions for filling out the form clearly state that the person whose name comes first on the tax return is the name that has to appear first. I downloaded and printed the form properly and sent it back to them. I received another form a month later saying it needed to have his name first. I again explained that if they did that the IRS would send it back. I finally got a person who said "Oh, that was just sent back because you forgot to put your phone number on it"
Two weeks ago I received a call from underwriting asking for my bank statements which hadn't been requested prior to this and for a couple of things they already had. She said she would send a Fed X envelope to me. After a week nothing came, I called the number she gave me and was told by a man that I hadn't called the number I had called. I told him "I can see what number I called and it is the one she gave me." he said "no you didn't call that number" "she must be in another state and it must be later there". Ummm it was 1:00 p.m. . If she was in this country it wasn't closed. He says I was supposed to fax it to the number she gave me. I say "NO she didn't give me a fax number and said I could send it fed x." The next day I call again and the person is able to contact the person who had allegedly sent me the fed x package. It was too late for that but I could fax it from the local B of A for free. Gosh that saves me hundreds of dollars. She even gave me the direct fax number not the 800 number. I tell her how frustrated I am and I don't know what I am supposed to do and she says "neither do we, it changes every day, none of us know what is going on" An honest answer in this hell...
Today I went to B of A to fax the requested docs. The bank manager assisted me and called to make sure the fax number was correct. I received a call in less than an hour telling me that I had left off a page of a bank statement. So I faxed it too them. She said it would go to underwriting tomorrow. We will see..I don't trust anyone. I am at the point where I don't care if I keep this house. I have given the bank $350,000 including my 10% down payment. The house is now worth about $60,000 less than I owe on it. I put a new roof central air and a new kitchen in this house just a year before the mortgage went up. I understand the frustration of the guy who bulldozed his house. I can't pay $8,000.00 a month, and I really don't want the mortgage company to benefit from the upgrades I made while my payment was still affordable.
Renting is beginning to sound very very nice.
I've been a homeowner for 22 years I was NEVER late with a payment until B of A refused a partial payment. I had good credit until then.
Wouldn't you like to see CEO's of B of A, Chase, Wells Fargo and Aurora doing a perp walk? I'm not a vindictive person but I would love to see justice... This has pushed me way beyond my limits...
It's way past the time for a revolution...it's time for us to RISE UP....But they have us so busy re-sending documents that have already been sent, calling them and being put on hold for over and hour after being told "I will be back in a sec", and making new rules that we don't have time to rise up. I don't know what to do. I think we are all to stunned to do anything. Yes the legal system, but it is so slow. Perhaps it is time for some non violent civil disobedience... Any ideas on how to start?
Loan modification hell...I think it is worse than hell. A year ago in April I applied for the Making Homes Affordable Program. My ARM (which was sold to us by and unscrupulous broker with country wide) was going to adjust in August of 2009. I thought with interest rates going down that it would be fine but was told that it would only adjust up, and up it was going from 3400 a month to over $8,000. There was no way I could pay that even if my husband's business wasn't floundering which it was. I applied sent all, of the paper work, and kept paying the $3400 a month. I called about every two weeks and they said everything was going well. In August of last year my payment went up to over $8,000 a month I called to make a payment telling them that I could only pay the $3400, but that I had paper work in for the modification. I was told "We don't take partial payments" and "Your modification was denied you didn't send in the paper work". So they refused a partial payment I didn't have a spare $4600 on me so no payment. I reapplied for the program and was told that I would have trial payments but not to make a payment until I heard back from them. I called weekly and was told "we are behind" In November I reached someone who said that I was supposed to be making a payment of 2,300+ for three months and that I should start right away, I sent all additional paperwork requested and continued to make the "trial" payment. I called every week and was told every thing was fine just keep making those payments "we are really behind but everything is fine"
On March 23, 2010 after making 5 "trial" payments, I received a Fed X package... I thought this was it my modification but No. It was a packet telling me that I should start my trial payment right away that I was eligible for the Making home affordable program and I needed to send in the documents yet again. So I did and started my new trial payment in April.
I received another FedX packet in May with a new IRS form to fill out. They wanted my husbands name on it first because his name is on the loan first. I explained that the instructions for filling out the form clearly state that the person whose name comes first on the tax return is the name that has to appear first. I downloaded and printed the form properly and sent it back to them. I received another form a month later saying it needed to have his name first. I again explained that if they did that the IRS would send it back. I finally got a person who said "Oh, that was just sent back because you forgot to put your phone number on it"
Two weeks ago I received a call from underwriting asking for my bank statements which hadn't been requested prior to this and for a couple of things they already had. She said she would send a Fed X envelope to me. After a week nothing came, I called the number she gave me and was told by a man that I hadn't called the number I had called. I told him "I can see what number I called and it is the one she gave me." he said "no you didn't call that number" "she must be in another state and it must be later there". Ummm it was 1:00 p.m. . If she was in this country it wasn't closed. He says I was supposed to fax it to the number she gave me. I say "NO she didn't give me a fax number and said I could send it fed x." The next day I call again and the person is able to contact the person who had allegedly sent me the fed x package. It was too late for that but I could fax it from the local B of A for free. Gosh that saves me hundreds of dollars. She even gave me the direct fax number not the 800 number. I tell her how frustrated I am and I don't know what I am supposed to do and she says "neither do we, it changes every day, none of us know what is going on" An honest answer in this hell...
Today I went to B of A to fax the requested docs. The bank manager assisted me and called to make sure the fax number was correct. I received a call in less than an hour telling me that I had left off a page of a bank statement. So I faxed it too them. She said it would go to underwriting tomorrow. We will see..I don't trust anyone. I am at the point where I don't care if I keep this house. I have given the bank $350,000 including my 10% down payment. The house is now worth about $60,000 less than I owe on it. I put a new roof central air and a new kitchen in this house just a year before the mortgage went up. I understand the frustration of the guy who bulldozed his house. I can't pay $8,000.00 a month, and I really don't want the mortgage company to benefit from the upgrades I made while my payment was still affordable.
Renting is beginning to sound very very nice.
I've been a homeowner for 22 years I was NEVER late with a payment until B of A refused a partial payment. I had good credit until then.
Wouldn't you like to see CEO's of B of A, Chase, Wells Fargo and Aurora doing a perp walk? I'm not a vindictive person but I would love to see justice... This has pushed me way beyond my limits...
It's way past the time for a revolution...it's time for us to RISE UP....But they have us so busy re-sending documents that have already been sent, calling them and being put on hold for over and hour after being told "I will be back in a sec", and making new rules that we don't have time to rise up. I don't know what to do. I think we are all to stunned to do anything. Yes the legal system, but it is so slow. Perhaps it is time for some non violent civil disobedience... Any ideas on how to start?
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Learning
I don't know about anyone else but there are times when I think that I have read and heard so much about a topic that there is nothing left for me to learn. I don't know why I think that because I'm always wrong, it is good though that I know I am wrong because I keep reading and listening to what others have to share.
Today I went to a retreat on contemplative prayer... I am not a person who likes to sit still so I don't really like the practice of contemplative prayer. I try to practice daily... begrudgingly sometimes... I know that when I do I am different. I see things differently. Today I learned so much, I learned things that will make it easier for me to practice.
Today I went to a retreat on contemplative prayer... I am not a person who likes to sit still so I don't really like the practice of contemplative prayer. I try to practice daily... begrudgingly sometimes... I know that when I do I am different. I see things differently. Today I learned so much, I learned things that will make it easier for me to practice.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Requiem for a Church
I haven't blogged about this for a while but it is on my mind. Sometimes writing helps me to process so if you aren't up to hearing (reading) it again then it would be best to ignore this post.
In March, I was invited to attend a meeting about the future of the church that I was asked to leave. The invitation came from a member of the diocesan staff who had heard my story. Because there are several churches that are a drain on the diocese, a committee was formed to assess and assist churches that were having severe financial problems. I don't mean financial assistance! I have heard that the church is no longer able to pay its bills, and the Priest in Charge (AKA Her Holiness) is now 1/4 time. I never thought that kicking out pledging members was a good idea but it seemed to be Her Holiness' answer for everything. When people are treated poorly, sometimes their friends who also pledge leave as well. The meeting is this coming Sunday and I am not going. I don't think that I am supposed to be there... I will admit that I thought about going anyway. This Sunday I am scheduled for a job at the church I attend, I asked around to see if someone else could do it but NO ONE was available. Perhaps God is protecting me.
At the request of Her Holiness, the diocese provided a list of questions for the congregation. I wonder if the people will have questions for the diocese... I know that I would. First and foremost would be "Why did you let this happen?" People tried to talk to you about the situation, people wrote you letters that went unanswered and called asking to speak to you but the calls went unreturned..Why?
There are times when I wish that I had followed a more traditional path to ordination. There are times when I want to be a parish priest.... then I remember that I have a tendency to tell people in authority the truth and I realize I wouldn't last in that system, or worse, I would go nuts trying. I am right where I belong... Thanks be to God.
I am grateful that I am ordained by a community that "gets me" and I am grateful that I attend a church that accepts me just as I am...
I do hope they will sell the stained glass windows I want to buy one of them...
In March, I was invited to attend a meeting about the future of the church that I was asked to leave. The invitation came from a member of the diocesan staff who had heard my story. Because there are several churches that are a drain on the diocese, a committee was formed to assess and assist churches that were having severe financial problems. I don't mean financial assistance! I have heard that the church is no longer able to pay its bills, and the Priest in Charge (AKA Her Holiness) is now 1/4 time. I never thought that kicking out pledging members was a good idea but it seemed to be Her Holiness' answer for everything. When people are treated poorly, sometimes their friends who also pledge leave as well. The meeting is this coming Sunday and I am not going. I don't think that I am supposed to be there... I will admit that I thought about going anyway. This Sunday I am scheduled for a job at the church I attend, I asked around to see if someone else could do it but NO ONE was available. Perhaps God is protecting me.
At the request of Her Holiness, the diocese provided a list of questions for the congregation. I wonder if the people will have questions for the diocese... I know that I would. First and foremost would be "Why did you let this happen?" People tried to talk to you about the situation, people wrote you letters that went unanswered and called asking to speak to you but the calls went unreturned..Why?
There are times when I wish that I had followed a more traditional path to ordination. There are times when I want to be a parish priest.... then I remember that I have a tendency to tell people in authority the truth and I realize I wouldn't last in that system, or worse, I would go nuts trying. I am right where I belong... Thanks be to God.
I am grateful that I am ordained by a community that "gets me" and I am grateful that I attend a church that accepts me just as I am...
I do hope they will sell the stained glass windows I want to buy one of them...
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Easter Caviar and Chocolate
Warning to my Vegan Friends stop reading now…
More on my journey tomorrow, tonight I must digress
I tasted Caviar for the first time and OH MY it is so good. A cracker, some caviar, a dollop of crème fraiche, and a squeeze of lemon… Heaven.
We had this awesome party at church after the Easter Vigil… Champagne, Chocolate and Caviar…
More on my journey tomorrow, tonight I must digress
I tasted Caviar for the first time and OH MY it is so good. A cracker, some caviar, a dollop of crème fraiche, and a squeeze of lemon… Heaven.
We had this awesome party at church after the Easter Vigil… Champagne, Chocolate and Caviar…
Friday, April 2, 2010
Good Friday
So another Good Friday and time again for my Good Friday Rant, but this year I don’t want to rant I want to talk about Barbie dolls……
A few days ago someone I follow on Facebook posted some pictures of Malibu Barbie dressed as a priest and it reminded me of how much fun I used to have playing “Barbies” with my BFF Becca. I think we played with them long after many girls had stopped. But of course the Barbies were having orgies by that time. We didn’t have a Barbie Dream House, any furniture, or even a “Ken” doll, so we were very creative. I made a little toilet for them out of an Avon “Wishing” bottle; we put little brown rocks in it for realism. The Barbies were married to the Beatles. We had bobble head Beatles dolls and they all slept in the same bed. Barbie even was pregnant a few times. The Skipper doll was married to George Harrison, we put eyeliner on her with a ballpoint pen so she would look like Patty Boyd.
What on earth does this have to do with Good Friday? Well I was thinking about my prized Barbie dolls what they looked like, what it was like to play with them, and what they felt like and I remembered that they were hard plastic. They were inflexible cold and stiff with a fake smile pasted on their faces. I don’t think Barbie ever made a mistake, ever colored outside the lines, or ever broke a “rule”.
For many years I was inflexible because if the bible said it I believed it. But then I started to think for myself and realized that Anslem’s theory of the Atonement didn’t make sense for many reasons. (For more on that just read my Rant on the Atonement).
Later I went to a more “liberal” church, but I avoided Lent at all costs, I hated Good Friday more than any other day in the year. A very insecure, narcissistic priest, who was, like Barbie, very rigid, led this liberal church. We did not deviate one iota from the BCP Good Friday liturgy and somehow for 2 years I was the person assigned to carry the cross down the center aisle. Even though I had said I wouldn’t do it, I was on the schedule and found it impossible to not show up.
So today I went to the Good Friday Vigil, which consisted of meditations on the last 7 phrases spoken by Jesus. These meditations were from different people from all walks of life and I was moved to tears. None of the people were plastic or rigid, none seemed at all afraid of being themselves.
When people are hurting, or suffering it is so hard to hear Gods voice. I don’t think that God abandoned Jesus on the cross; I think that in his humanity Jesus could not hear God’s voice. Jesus was not a Barbie Doll or even a Ken doll. For so many years all I saw was the abandonment that Jesus must have felt, reliving my own feelings of abandonment… This year I was able to leave them at the cross….
A few days ago someone I follow on Facebook posted some pictures of Malibu Barbie dressed as a priest and it reminded me of how much fun I used to have playing “Barbies” with my BFF Becca. I think we played with them long after many girls had stopped. But of course the Barbies were having orgies by that time. We didn’t have a Barbie Dream House, any furniture, or even a “Ken” doll, so we were very creative. I made a little toilet for them out of an Avon “Wishing” bottle; we put little brown rocks in it for realism. The Barbies were married to the Beatles. We had bobble head Beatles dolls and they all slept in the same bed. Barbie even was pregnant a few times. The Skipper doll was married to George Harrison, we put eyeliner on her with a ballpoint pen so she would look like Patty Boyd.
What on earth does this have to do with Good Friday? Well I was thinking about my prized Barbie dolls what they looked like, what it was like to play with them, and what they felt like and I remembered that they were hard plastic. They were inflexible cold and stiff with a fake smile pasted on their faces. I don’t think Barbie ever made a mistake, ever colored outside the lines, or ever broke a “rule”.
For many years I was inflexible because if the bible said it I believed it. But then I started to think for myself and realized that Anslem’s theory of the Atonement didn’t make sense for many reasons. (For more on that just read my Rant on the Atonement).
Later I went to a more “liberal” church, but I avoided Lent at all costs, I hated Good Friday more than any other day in the year. A very insecure, narcissistic priest, who was, like Barbie, very rigid, led this liberal church. We did not deviate one iota from the BCP Good Friday liturgy and somehow for 2 years I was the person assigned to carry the cross down the center aisle. Even though I had said I wouldn’t do it, I was on the schedule and found it impossible to not show up.
So today I went to the Good Friday Vigil, which consisted of meditations on the last 7 phrases spoken by Jesus. These meditations were from different people from all walks of life and I was moved to tears. None of the people were plastic or rigid, none seemed at all afraid of being themselves.
When people are hurting, or suffering it is so hard to hear Gods voice. I don’t think that God abandoned Jesus on the cross; I think that in his humanity Jesus could not hear God’s voice. Jesus was not a Barbie Doll or even a Ken doll. For so many years all I saw was the abandonment that Jesus must have felt, reliving my own feelings of abandonment… This year I was able to leave them at the cross….
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Love
So much has been written about love and I am certainly not an expert, but today's lectionary readings remind me that God's love for us is extravagant. Regardless of where we are in the wilderness or why we are there (a wilderness of our own making, or a wilderness that we have no control over) God is there and it is okay for us to be there as well. God provides water, rivers, and my most favorite thing on earth...Wild Flowers. So just be where you are enjoy God's love.
When you are ready share God's love...it's easy.
When you are ready share God's love...it's easy.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
the desert
The word that pops into my head when I hear the word desert is "wildflowers". I know that many see the desert as desolation, dry, lonely, or hot. Many can feel the sand in their teeth and the stings of the red ants on their legs. But I see wildflowers... In the midst of pain, frustration loneliness, god promises us springs in the desert... springs of fizzy water (Arrowhead, Perrier, Pellegrino, Poland Springs, pick your favorite) to keep us hydrated, to keep our immune systems functioning so that we don't dry up and die.
So google California desert wildflowers and look at some of the pictures. Know that god does not leave us in a dry place........ Know that a time of trial is not forever... the flowers always come back.
So google California desert wildflowers and look at some of the pictures. Know that god does not leave us in a dry place........ Know that a time of trial is not forever... the flowers always come back.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
A Holy Lent
Many of you know that Lent has, for the past two years, been my least favorite season in the church year. I said to someone last year that I was going to give up church for lent... I wasn't joking.
This year I begrudgingly drove 20 miles to the Ash Wednesday service. Past experiences with Ash Wednesday services were kind of like observing a train wreck, so this was not something I really wanted to do. But something drew me there... on the way down I thought about how people are drawn to look a horrible accidents and wondered for a moment if that is why I was going.
The church was dark. Someone was lighting candles and asked me if I would get a couple more so I did and watched as the space was transformed by the sparkling tea lights placed throughout. It felt different, peace was tangible not just some abstract idea people talked about.
We sang a Taize Chant "Laudate Omnes Gentes" it was beautiful. The Isaiah reading is one of my favorites "Is this not the fast I choose: to loose the bonds of injustice to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke? Is it not to share your bread with the hungry, and to bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover them and not to hide yourself from your own kin?" We sang Da Pacem Cordium (bring peace to every heart) how appropriate is that?
Now there was a brief moment while the priest was reading the part about "notorious sinners who had been kicked out of church being reconciled" that I thought of the priest who kicked me out of her church when I had already left. I wanted her to feel like shit reading those words to her congregation. At the same moment I knew she didn't get it and it really didn't matter any more.... I am moving on and am okay.
When we got to the Litany of Penitence I realized that after 5 years of hearing it spoken, and seeing the words on the page, I had never really heard them. I only heard "you worthless piece of crap" but that isn't even close to what it says. There is hope and joy in God's love:
We confess to you, Lord, all our past unfaithfulness: the
pride, hypocrisy, and impatience of our lives,
We confess to you, Lord.
Our self-indulgent appetites and ways, and our exploitation
of other people,
We confess to you, Lord.
Our anger at our own frustration, and our envy of those
more fortunate than ourselves,
We confess to you, Lord.
Our intemperate love of worldly goods and comforts, and
our dishonesty in daily life and work,
We confess to you, Lord.
Our negligence in prayer and worship, and our failure to
commend the faith that is in us,
We confess to you, Lord.
Accept our repentance, Lord, for the wrongs we have done:
for our blindness to human need and suffering, and our
indifference to injustice and cruelty,
Accept our repentance, Lord.
For all false judgments, for uncharitable thoughts toward our
neighbors, and for our prejudice and contempt toward those
who differ from us,
Accept our repentance, Lord.
For our waste and pollution of your creation, and our lack of
concern for those who come after us,
Accept our repentance, Lord.
Restore us, good Lord, and let your anger depart from us;
Favorably hear us, for your mercy is great.
Accomplish in us the work of your salvation,
That we may show forth your glory in the world.
So I guess for the next 40 days I can get over not being able to say "Alleluia, Alleluia" after "thanks be to God"
And the really cool part was singing "Dust in the Wind" after the Eucharist.
I was drawn by the Holy Spirit... She was leading me to a new awareness of Gods love and mercy...
This year I begrudgingly drove 20 miles to the Ash Wednesday service. Past experiences with Ash Wednesday services were kind of like observing a train wreck, so this was not something I really wanted to do. But something drew me there... on the way down I thought about how people are drawn to look a horrible accidents and wondered for a moment if that is why I was going.
The church was dark. Someone was lighting candles and asked me if I would get a couple more so I did and watched as the space was transformed by the sparkling tea lights placed throughout. It felt different, peace was tangible not just some abstract idea people talked about.
We sang a Taize Chant "Laudate Omnes Gentes" it was beautiful. The Isaiah reading is one of my favorites "Is this not the fast I choose: to loose the bonds of injustice to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke? Is it not to share your bread with the hungry, and to bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover them and not to hide yourself from your own kin?" We sang Da Pacem Cordium (bring peace to every heart) how appropriate is that?
Now there was a brief moment while the priest was reading the part about "notorious sinners who had been kicked out of church being reconciled" that I thought of the priest who kicked me out of her church when I had already left. I wanted her to feel like shit reading those words to her congregation. At the same moment I knew she didn't get it and it really didn't matter any more.... I am moving on and am okay.
When we got to the Litany of Penitence I realized that after 5 years of hearing it spoken, and seeing the words on the page, I had never really heard them. I only heard "you worthless piece of crap" but that isn't even close to what it says. There is hope and joy in God's love:
We confess to you, Lord, all our past unfaithfulness: the
pride, hypocrisy, and impatience of our lives,
We confess to you, Lord.
Our self-indulgent appetites and ways, and our exploitation
of other people,
We confess to you, Lord.
Our anger at our own frustration, and our envy of those
more fortunate than ourselves,
We confess to you, Lord.
Our intemperate love of worldly goods and comforts, and
our dishonesty in daily life and work,
We confess to you, Lord.
Our negligence in prayer and worship, and our failure to
commend the faith that is in us,
We confess to you, Lord.
Accept our repentance, Lord, for the wrongs we have done:
for our blindness to human need and suffering, and our
indifference to injustice and cruelty,
Accept our repentance, Lord.
For all false judgments, for uncharitable thoughts toward our
neighbors, and for our prejudice and contempt toward those
who differ from us,
Accept our repentance, Lord.
For our waste and pollution of your creation, and our lack of
concern for those who come after us,
Accept our repentance, Lord.
Restore us, good Lord, and let your anger depart from us;
Favorably hear us, for your mercy is great.
Accomplish in us the work of your salvation,
That we may show forth your glory in the world.
So I guess for the next 40 days I can get over not being able to say "Alleluia, Alleluia" after "thanks be to God"
And the really cool part was singing "Dust in the Wind" after the Eucharist.
I was drawn by the Holy Spirit... She was leading me to a new awareness of Gods love and mercy...
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Healing
It's been a long time since my last post.
Much healing has taken place... not always easy..the healing process..
Much healing has taken place... not always easy..the healing process..
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)