I don't know how to embed the songs in the post so you will have to go to the link and click on the songs.
For all you Anglicans the first song, Hospital Stomp, is Siyahamba. The song our beloved bishops sang while marching for the MDG in Lambeth.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Fini
What do I do about church? Where do I go? I get together, about 9 times a year, with an Independent Catholic Community. I could start a home group that would meet once a month, I'm not ready to start today, or next week, or even next month.
I am very lucky, I live 20 miles away from another episcopal diocese. I would have to commute to church though. I already commute 10 hours a week. I could go to the catholic church, I sort of grew up in the catholic church, I could "pass" but my heart isn't there.
I forgot to include in the last post that the "canon to the ordinary" told the priest that I wrote "pissy emails" and according to the priest, "said something much worse than that but I won't tell you because it would hurt your feelings" I suspect that little of what I was told that the bishop or the cannon said is true, I suspect a comment might have been made. I have a hard time believing that adults in positions of authority are as immature as I have been led to believe these people are, but who really knows.
Thus ends my story...Thanks be to God.
I am very lucky, I live 20 miles away from another episcopal diocese. I would have to commute to church though. I already commute 10 hours a week. I could go to the catholic church, I sort of grew up in the catholic church, I could "pass" but my heart isn't there.
I forgot to include in the last post that the "canon to the ordinary" told the priest that I wrote "pissy emails" and according to the priest, "said something much worse than that but I won't tell you because it would hurt your feelings" I suspect that little of what I was told that the bishop or the cannon said is true, I suspect a comment might have been made. I have a hard time believing that adults in positions of authority are as immature as I have been led to believe these people are, but who really knows.
Thus ends my story...Thanks be to God.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Do Justice, Love Mercy, and Walk Humbly with your God
So, after the priest told me not to come to that service, I left. I told her I wasn't planning to stay anyway and this was a good time to cut my losses and walk away. After I told her that she wrote me a letter saying that she had pulled my eucharistic minister license and I could no longer be a lector or read prayers at the church. Okay I wasn't planning to do any of that because I left the church. She went on to say that she would restore them when I wanted to reconcile. WTF?
I happened to know she was at the church and went over and tried to talk to her. A huge mistake in retrospect. I don't think she heard a word I said. Her last words were; "now that we have reconciled you can be a lector again." Adventures in missing the point.
Once home after gathering my thoughts, I wrote a letter trying to explain how deeply hurt I was by her behavior over the past six months. My trusted friend proofread it, for grammar, clarity, and inflammatory statements. The priest wrote me back and told me not to attend that church for at least 6 months. Not a problem except a good friend of mine is leading evening prayer next week when the priest is out of town and I plan to be there to support her.
The church has fewer than 30 who attend on Sunday Morning. All the priest can talk about is growth and hospitality. She seems to forget that those who attend regularly are as equally deserving of hospitality as those who are passing through. It seems pointless to try and bring new people in when those who have been there, those who serve, and perhaps ask questions seem to disappear. Eight in the past 2 years. The reasons we were given didn't make sense so I started to question, which is probably one of the reasons I am no longer there.
I wrote to one of the people I used to serve with and told him to feel free contact me if he had any questions. His response was "I don't get involved in personal things that don't involve me. I hope that in six months YOU can reconcile and come back". People who were my friends, who encouraged me to make waves now don't want anything to do with me.
What happened to doing justice, loving mercy and walking humbly with god?
Friday, July 10, 2009
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Paranoia
Paranoia strikes deep
Into your heart it will seep
Starts when your always afraid
Step out of line the man comes and takes you away
So where did I leave off? I'm having a friend check all of the emails I send this priest. Is it because I am getting paranoid? I know that I was tired of having my head messed with, it was a pretty sad state of affairs.
I had the sound system installed and I was planning on taking the next Sunday off because it was my birthday. I showed her how to use it during the week. I was very clear that I wasn't going to church that Sunday. Bright and early that Sunday my phone rang. "The sound system didn't work" What doesn't work? I ask. "I can't get my Ipod to play" she says. I ask, "Is the cord plugged all the way in?" yes. "Is your Ipod muted?" No.. so I get up after 5 hours of sleep drive over to the church and the cord is not plugged in and her ipod is muted!!! I couldn't even speak to her, I felt so disrespected, so unappreciated, and so fricking angry.
I met with her the following week to tell her that I was resigning from the mission committee. During that meeting she told me that she was told by an assistant to the bishop that the bishop said that I had written him a letter that he was offended by.....last year, She went on and said "oh and by the way we are losing our grant at the end of this year. Did you know that" Yes I was there 18 months ago when the church was given a 2 year non-renewable grant. I just couldn't believe that she would put those two things in the same breath.
I have difficulty believing that a bishop would hold onto anger about an email for a year and not say anything to me.
When I returned from retreat, I knew I was leaving the church. When she called me, I didn't really want to talk to her but did call her back, and told her she could email me or call me when I could answer the phone which was not while I was working. She called again while I was at work, I couldn't answer. At that point I sent her an email telling her that if she wanted to meet with me she had to tell me what it was about and I would consider it. She called me the next day when I couldn't answer the phone and told me that I couldn't come to church because the bishop would be there and it would be awkward. If the bishop is so immature that he can't face someone who wrote him an email questioning something, then maybe he should get another job.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
the beginning of the end
In November of last year we had a heavy rainstorm that caused a lot of damage to the interior of the church. There was a leak because for years the maintenance of the roof was neglected. I was Junior Warden, so when I got the call about a leak I went over and found a waterfall coming down a redwood post. There was water everywhere, it was dripping into the sound system, the floor was drenched, and the drywall ceiling was soggy. It's a long story but I finally got the priest to agree to let me call the insurance company and get authorization for emergency roof repair and remediation that day instead of waiting until Monday. I took care of the immediate damage, met with an adjustor, got estimates from contractors, had the electrical system inspected as water had been dripping into an open socket on the floor. I also organized the repair work. Today the church is beautiful, the cracks in the walls and ceilings are repaired, the mold is gone from the bell tower area, and the interior has been painted for the first time in 19 years.
I guess it was in December that the priest started sniping at me. It started subtly with comments about things I had not done, or things I said that she found offensive. In January she invited me out to lunch, which was odd because in 4 years she had never spent any time with me outside of church things we were both at. At that lunch meeting I was told that I was angry and it was "spilling" I asked her what I did or said to make her think that and she said "you walked out the side door of the church the other day and slammed it." Yes I did go out of that door and yes because of the wind it slammed behind me, but I didn't slam the door and I wasn't angry I was going to get something from another building. It didn't happen during a service, people were setting up for a service and standing around talking. Her other complaint was that while I was installing a motion sensor light I told her husband that I didn't need his help and perhaps he might want to set up for the service that was going to start in 20 minutes. I told him that because he was trying to tell me how to install the light, I find it difficult to do something like that with someone distracting me. In addition to my anger I used the word obvious in an email which I guess is a violation of email etiquette, and I didn't use I statements.
The following month I made the mistake of replying to an email in which the Senior Warden was asking for opinions. In that email I wrote something that should have been an I statement but I was lazy and didn't proofread it before I sent it. Surprise, I was called to another meeting. At that meeting she shrieked at me telling me that I had hurt everyone by what I said. She did this in public, she screamed "you are a priest you should know better" Now I am a priest, in The Lindisfarne Community and not it the episcopal church, and she does not recognize me as a priest , I was taken aback.... I shut down, if I hadn't I would have thrown my very hot coffee in her face and screamed back at her.
I knew I was finished, but I had some tasks to do so I did them. I apologized to the people that I had offended and lo and behold 2 of the 4 contacted me and told me they were glad I said what I did, that someone needed to speak up. I started sending every email I sent to anyone in the church to a trusted friend because I was starting to wonder if I was being offensive. I needed feedback.
This is already too long. I will write more later.
I guess it was in December that the priest started sniping at me. It started subtly with comments about things I had not done, or things I said that she found offensive. In January she invited me out to lunch, which was odd because in 4 years she had never spent any time with me outside of church things we were both at. At that lunch meeting I was told that I was angry and it was "spilling" I asked her what I did or said to make her think that and she said "you walked out the side door of the church the other day and slammed it." Yes I did go out of that door and yes because of the wind it slammed behind me, but I didn't slam the door and I wasn't angry I was going to get something from another building. It didn't happen during a service, people were setting up for a service and standing around talking. Her other complaint was that while I was installing a motion sensor light I told her husband that I didn't need his help and perhaps he might want to set up for the service that was going to start in 20 minutes. I told him that because he was trying to tell me how to install the light, I find it difficult to do something like that with someone distracting me. In addition to my anger I used the word obvious in an email which I guess is a violation of email etiquette, and I didn't use I statements.
The following month I made the mistake of replying to an email in which the Senior Warden was asking for opinions. In that email I wrote something that should have been an I statement but I was lazy and didn't proofread it before I sent it. Surprise, I was called to another meeting. At that meeting she shrieked at me telling me that I had hurt everyone by what I said. She did this in public, she screamed "you are a priest you should know better" Now I am a priest, in The Lindisfarne Community and not it the episcopal church, and she does not recognize me as a priest , I was taken aback.... I shut down, if I hadn't I would have thrown my very hot coffee in her face and screamed back at her.
I knew I was finished, but I had some tasks to do so I did them. I apologized to the people that I had offended and lo and behold 2 of the 4 contacted me and told me they were glad I said what I did, that someone needed to speak up. I started sending every email I sent to anyone in the church to a trusted friend because I was starting to wonder if I was being offensive. I needed feedback.
This is already too long. I will write more later.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
The (insert name here) Church Welcomes Me
It has been about four and one half years since I first visited the church I am now leaving. I have to admit there were some huge red flags from the beginning. People were leaving, those remaining were anxious. The church felt "needy" , you know the feeling, like you walk in and huge vacuum is turned on and tries to suck you in.
The interim vicar was a newly ordained priest who was sent by the diocese to get things in order, after the departure of the much loved vicar. Her predecessor had been vicar of that church for 18 years but didn't always agree with the diocese, and didn't always keep quiet about it. The interim was only going to be there for 2 years. I told her that I was ordained by an independent charismatic group and was pursuing ordination through The Lindisfarne Community, which is a religious order with apostolic succession. I thought the poor woman was going to have a stroke, I was ready to call 911. I figured that she would be gone in a year so I didn't have anything to worry about.... Or did I?
She is still there as the priest-in-charge even though she told me that the interim could never be the priest in charge or vicar or rector.
I ended up getting involved as lector, then as youth leader, then as Eucharistic Minister and finally I was on the mission committee and fully assimilated into the Borg Collective... Oops I mean church.
I didn't agree with everything and I although I thought the vicar was a bit odd at times, I grew fond of her. I thought that I could make a difference which was, in retrospect, my biggest mistake. I wanted to help, and I lost myself in trying...
I became her scapegoat, the harder I tried the worse things got.
The interim vicar was a newly ordained priest who was sent by the diocese to get things in order, after the departure of the much loved vicar. Her predecessor had been vicar of that church for 18 years but didn't always agree with the diocese, and didn't always keep quiet about it. The interim was only going to be there for 2 years. I told her that I was ordained by an independent charismatic group and was pursuing ordination through The Lindisfarne Community, which is a religious order with apostolic succession. I thought the poor woman was going to have a stroke, I was ready to call 911. I figured that she would be gone in a year so I didn't have anything to worry about.... Or did I?
She is still there as the priest-in-charge even though she told me that the interim could never be the priest in charge or vicar or rector.
I ended up getting involved as lector, then as youth leader, then as Eucharistic Minister and finally I was on the mission committee and fully assimilated into the Borg Collective... Oops I mean church.
I didn't agree with everything and I although I thought the vicar was a bit odd at times, I grew fond of her. I thought that I could make a difference which was, in retrospect, my biggest mistake. I wanted to help, and I lost myself in trying...
I became her scapegoat, the harder I tried the worse things got.
Rejection
There is something about being asked not to attend a church service that feels like the ultimate rejection. I knew that it was time to leave. I had made my decision a few days earlier while on retreat in upstate New York. I planned to do the 'jobs' I was scheduled to do during the month of June, ask to be taken off the rota for the summer and gradually fade into the sunset.
I wanted to tell the priest that she was being cruel by criticizing everything I did or said. I was a 'lay' volunteer in her church not only was she cruel but she had no right to criticize me, she wasn't my boss. I didn't need it anymore, my identity is not wrapped up in being a 'lay eucharistic minister' or the person who wrote the prayers, it was time to move on, to "shake the dust off my feet" as it was clear I wasn't wanted. But I didn't say anything because it didn't seem loving, it didn't seem like it would bring about justice, and nothing redemptive would come out of it. Fading into the sunset seemed to be the compassionate thing to do. The day after I got home, I received a voiced demanding a meeting. When I insisted she tell me why, and ask that she call me when I could answer the phone. The next day a voice mail asking me not to attend that coming sunday.
It didn't start recently. I should have listened to my gut feeling when I first started attending four and one half years ago, but I didn't. The story, which I want to tell for myself to get some closure, will take several more posts.
I wanted to tell the priest that she was being cruel by criticizing everything I did or said. I was a 'lay' volunteer in her church not only was she cruel but she had no right to criticize me, she wasn't my boss. I didn't need it anymore, my identity is not wrapped up in being a 'lay eucharistic minister' or the person who wrote the prayers, it was time to move on, to "shake the dust off my feet" as it was clear I wasn't wanted. But I didn't say anything because it didn't seem loving, it didn't seem like it would bring about justice, and nothing redemptive would come out of it. Fading into the sunset seemed to be the compassionate thing to do. The day after I got home, I received a voiced demanding a meeting. When I insisted she tell me why, and ask that she call me when I could answer the phone. The next day a voice mail asking me not to attend that coming sunday.
It didn't start recently. I should have listened to my gut feeling when I first started attending four and one half years ago, but I didn't. The story, which I want to tell for myself to get some closure, will take several more posts.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Sunday, June 14, 2009
No more wire hangers.....
I'm sad....After 5 years of attending a church I was told I shouldn't come to a service. I was told it was because the bishop would be there and that would be awkward. I guess I said something a year or so ago that offended the bishop. He never said anything to me about it, I don't even know what it was but if I am to believe the Priest in Charge he is the type of person who wouldn't ever want to be in the same room with me. (My words not hers). She was also angry because I "refused" to meet with her. I refused to meet on her terms, which was at a time convenient only to her and without knowing what she wanted. I have left the last 3 "meetings" with her in tears. I asked her to tell me what it was about and she refused. I asked her to call me when I could answer the phone and not when she knew I was at work and she refused. So she left a message on my voice mail saying "I am sorry to leave this on your voice mail but you leave me no choice" Oh my god reminds me of the movie Mommy Dearest.
I look at all of the hard work I did and realize that it was wasted all of it.
God Save me from your people
I look at all of the hard work I did and realize that it was wasted all of it.
God Save me from your people
Thursday, April 30, 2009
flu
I think people today lack common sense, at first I thought they were just stupid but that doesn't seem to be the case. People of all walks of life are in a frenzy about the H1N1 flu. WHO says it is a "Pandemic" but who can define pandemic? It means it is wide spread not that it will kill you. People react so strongly to the media that it is frightening. I listen to the reports on my way to work to prepare myself for what I will be dealing with and I can tell what radio station people were listening to by the questions they ask.
I've been working long days doing my best to reassure people It is wearing me down. i want to yell "what the F@#$ is your problem?" but I can't so I tell them that if they want to come in with their hay fever symptoms and expose themselves to swine flu that is fine with me but it would be best for them and their family since they aren't sick for them to stay home. I am tired I am frustrated.
I am looking forward to the weekend because we have some rain coming in maybe several inches which means that the media will be off "flu" and on "storm watch"
Mad priest has the best cartoon ever http://revjph.blogspot.com/2009/04/its-here.html
I've been working long days doing my best to reassure people It is wearing me down. i want to yell "what the F@#$ is your problem?" but I can't so I tell them that if they want to come in with their hay fever symptoms and expose themselves to swine flu that is fine with me but it would be best for them and their family since they aren't sick for them to stay home. I am tired I am frustrated.
I am looking forward to the weekend because we have some rain coming in maybe several inches which means that the media will be off "flu" and on "storm watch"
Mad priest has the best cartoon ever http://revjph.blogspot.com/2009/04/its-here.html
Friday, April 10, 2009
out of the mouths of babes and cartoons
"We should focus on what Jesus taught and not how he was killed"
Stan Marsh from Southpark
Stan Marsh from Southpark
Thursday, April 9, 2009
ranting
I've always thought that Judas was set up. According to the Gospel of John Jesus knew who was going to betray him didn't stop him. One can only assume that Jesus washed even Judas' feet, and if as some commentators say the hands and feet have to do with actions in the washing of Judas' feet was Jesus cleansing his actions? I really don't know I am not a scholar by any stretch of the imagination.
This was prompted by a sermon I heard earlier this week on Jesus betrayal and "satan" entering Judas. One of those sermons designed to make us think of how we may allow satan in our lives and how we may betray Jesus.
Judas betrayed Jesus for silver, I suspect Judas saw Jesus as the messiah as the one who would overthrow the romans, and having seen so many miracles might have thought Jesus would get out of it. Maybe he thought the silver could be used to further the cause.....
Here is my question. Has the "church" betrayed Jesus for 30 pieces of silver? In our quest to fill to pews to pay the bills have we put more importance getting people in the church than making disciples, giving people the tools to follow the teachings of Jesus? What are our priorities? Do we follow Jesus or do we follow our desire to get bigger? Has "satan" entered the "church"? Have we sold our souls for high average sunday attendance? Do we read book after book and run to conference after conference to learn how to follow Jesus and in doing so help others ? Or do we do it to increase "pledge units" ?
This was prompted by a sermon I heard earlier this week on Jesus betrayal and "satan" entering Judas. One of those sermons designed to make us think of how we may allow satan in our lives and how we may betray Jesus.
Judas betrayed Jesus for silver, I suspect Judas saw Jesus as the messiah as the one who would overthrow the romans, and having seen so many miracles might have thought Jesus would get out of it. Maybe he thought the silver could be used to further the cause.....
Here is my question. Has the "church" betrayed Jesus for 30 pieces of silver? In our quest to fill to pews to pay the bills have we put more importance getting people in the church than making disciples, giving people the tools to follow the teachings of Jesus? What are our priorities? Do we follow Jesus or do we follow our desire to get bigger? Has "satan" entered the "church"? Have we sold our souls for high average sunday attendance? Do we read book after book and run to conference after conference to learn how to follow Jesus and in doing so help others ? Or do we do it to increase "pledge units" ?
Saturday, March 28, 2009
hell
Bishop Carlton Pearson a 'heretic" after my own heart. Go to the link check out some of the interviews. Could it be that the concept of hell was designed in part to keep people in bondage to a religious system? Would it be different today if people followed Christ out of love rather than out of fear? Again IDK, but something to think about
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
atonement rant revisited
Two years ago I was asked to be the crucifier on Good Friday at an Episcopal Church, thinking that I would be carrying the cross that leads the procession I agreed. What a shock when I found out I would be carrying a wooden cross during one of the readings. I was a little upset and told the priest that I wasn't going to carry her "f@#*ing cross" I realized that the idea of substitutionary atonement had become repugnant to me, and couldn't possibly be true. Something that had been drummed into me my entire life and I had accepted without question made no sense at all. So I wrote "My Rant on the Atonement".
my rant on the atonement
I've been struggling with the holy week scriptures and liturgies for the past several years. Up until 3 years ago everything I had been taught about Christ's death was vicarious atonement. God made rules (laws) that are impossible to keep. We have broken laws that are impossible to keep and we know we broke them cuz no one could keep them. Because we can't keep them then we shall be put to death because "the penalty for sin is death" God has to have a blood sacrifice because the law says so. Some one has to pay but it has to be someone who was perfect...so god thinks "hmmm.. maybe I'll kill my son to satisfy my legal need for blood." Now that Jesus is dead, God isn't mad at us for not doing what we can't do. So as long as we are grateful to god for his mercy we can live with him forever....if we say the right prayer or are baptized with the right words.
Divine child abuse.....
Some say that it is silly to refer to substitutional atonement as child abuse, I disagree. When my now almost 16 year old daughter was young, there was a "Christian" program for raising children which was very popular in evangelical circles. It taught that the parents must be in charge from the beginning. Parents were told to feed their children only on a schedule, when the child cried and it wasn't time to feed the parent wasn't supposed to pick the child up or feed it. The premise was that because God turned his back on Jesus when he cried out on the cross we should turn away from our children when they cried. As the child began to eat table food they were hit if they played with the food and had their faces flicked if they didn't look strait ahead.
Is that the nature of our all-loving God? The father/mother who we love because she/he first loved us? The God that loves us and calls us children? Jesus said (my paraphrase) "would a father give his child a stone instead of bread?' Would a parent turn their back on on a child's suffering?
Many of the children whose parents subscribed to the Growing Kids God's way program developed failure to thrive. They didn't get enough to eat as infants, the parents didn't know how to respond to their child's cues. Babies with failure to thrive (ftt) don't gain the weight they should they are unable to consume enough calories. A baby's brain grows as much in the first year as it will grow the rest of the child's life, often there are long term developmental problems. How many christians do we know who have growth failure? How many could never connect with God? How many young adults walk away because of divine child abuse?
Is there an alternative? Can we conceive of a non violent transforming model of the atonement? Was Jesus death on the cross the ultimate act of non violent resistance? Walter Wink says that when Jesus said to turn the other cheek he was saying that he refused to be humiliated. In that culture one could only hit someone lower than ones self with the back of the hand to turn the cheek would mean the person would either have to break some of the ritual purity rules and hit him with the back of the left hand or hit him with his palm or fist something that would never be done to someone not their equal. There are many more examples from Wink and others but to many for this short email
Christ came to show us how to live how to break the cycle of violence. We are taught that Christ reveals God to us. Jesus taught us non violent resistance, Jesus came to set the captives free....So it doesn't work for me God would use the violence that Jesus taught against to bring us redemption.
Jesus was faithful even to death on the cross, a death perpetrated by humans (for you trekkies I guess God had a prime directive of non interference with lower life forms) Through his life and death we have a pattern for our lives, through his resurrection we have hope We know that shit happens but God is able to turn it around.
So back to failure to thrive or growth failure. I wonder how many people who have been in church exhibit the signs of growth failure.
Lack of interest in surroundings
irritability
inability to walk in the knowledge of God's love
I wonder if it would be different if we got rid of the language we use, language we may not even believe but use because we always have. I wonder what would happen if we responded to the cues people give us rather than a formula given by the church. I wonder if we got rid of divine child abuse, would people be able to receive the nurture that they need to grow.
I'm rambling I need to come to terms with the fact that I taught substitutional atonement for years when I was an associate pastor in the charismatic church and when I taught in the evangelical church. I need to forgive myself
Maybe now is the time to repent to turn around to change the way we think. Maybe it is time to show radical love and non violence. Maybe it is time to move from the 12th century to the 21st.
With all of that said here are some books I have read recently
The Last Week by Borg and Crossan
Steve Chalke's book "The Lost message of Jesus
Who really killed jesus by John Dominic Crossan
would appreciate any comments
my rant on the atonement
I've been struggling with the holy week scriptures and liturgies for the past several years. Up until 3 years ago everything I had been taught about Christ's death was vicarious atonement. God made rules (laws) that are impossible to keep. We have broken laws that are impossible to keep and we know we broke them cuz no one could keep them. Because we can't keep them then we shall be put to death because "the penalty for sin is death" God has to have a blood sacrifice because the law says so. Some one has to pay but it has to be someone who was perfect...so god thinks "hmmm.. maybe I'll kill my son to satisfy my legal need for blood." Now that Jesus is dead, God isn't mad at us for not doing what we can't do. So as long as we are grateful to god for his mercy we can live with him forever....if we say the right prayer or are baptized with the right words.
Divine child abuse.....
Some say that it is silly to refer to substitutional atonement as child abuse, I disagree. When my now almost 16 year old daughter was young, there was a "Christian" program for raising children which was very popular in evangelical circles. It taught that the parents must be in charge from the beginning. Parents were told to feed their children only on a schedule, when the child cried and it wasn't time to feed the parent wasn't supposed to pick the child up or feed it. The premise was that because God turned his back on Jesus when he cried out on the cross we should turn away from our children when they cried. As the child began to eat table food they were hit if they played with the food and had their faces flicked if they didn't look strait ahead.
Is that the nature of our all-loving God? The father/mother who we love because she/he first loved us? The God that loves us and calls us children? Jesus said (my paraphrase) "would a father give his child a stone instead of bread?' Would a parent turn their back on on a child's suffering?
Many of the children whose parents subscribed to the Growing Kids God's way program developed failure to thrive. They didn't get enough to eat as infants, the parents didn't know how to respond to their child's cues. Babies with failure to thrive (ftt) don't gain the weight they should they are unable to consume enough calories. A baby's brain grows as much in the first year as it will grow the rest of the child's life, often there are long term developmental problems. How many christians do we know who have growth failure? How many could never connect with God? How many young adults walk away because of divine child abuse?
Is there an alternative? Can we conceive of a non violent transforming model of the atonement? Was Jesus death on the cross the ultimate act of non violent resistance? Walter Wink says that when Jesus said to turn the other cheek he was saying that he refused to be humiliated. In that culture one could only hit someone lower than ones self with the back of the hand to turn the cheek would mean the person would either have to break some of the ritual purity rules and hit him with the back of the left hand or hit him with his palm or fist something that would never be done to someone not their equal. There are many more examples from Wink and others but to many for this short email
Christ came to show us how to live how to break the cycle of violence. We are taught that Christ reveals God to us. Jesus taught us non violent resistance, Jesus came to set the captives free....So it doesn't work for me God would use the violence that Jesus taught against to bring us redemption.
Jesus was faithful even to death on the cross, a death perpetrated by humans (for you trekkies I guess God had a prime directive of non interference with lower life forms) Through his life and death we have a pattern for our lives, through his resurrection we have hope We know that shit happens but God is able to turn it around.
So back to failure to thrive or growth failure. I wonder how many people who have been in church exhibit the signs of growth failure.
Lack of interest in surroundings
irritability
inability to walk in the knowledge of God's love
I wonder if it would be different if we got rid of the language we use, language we may not even believe but use because we always have. I wonder what would happen if we responded to the cues people give us rather than a formula given by the church. I wonder if we got rid of divine child abuse, would people be able to receive the nurture that they need to grow.
I'm rambling I need to come to terms with the fact that I taught substitutional atonement for years when I was an associate pastor in the charismatic church and when I taught in the evangelical church. I need to forgive myself
Maybe now is the time to repent to turn around to change the way we think. Maybe it is time to show radical love and non violence. Maybe it is time to move from the 12th century to the 21st.
With all of that said here are some books I have read recently
The Last Week by Borg and Crossan
Steve Chalke's book "The Lost message of Jesus
Who really killed jesus by John Dominic Crossan
Sunday, January 18, 2009
hope
Hope is in the air, it is palpable. If such a thing is possible. How does one touch hope... feel hope? What does hope look like?
In 1968 I was 14 and I watched in horror as Bobby Kennedy our hope for the future of the country was murdered after the California primary. Four years later I was 18 and going door to door for Senator McGovern, I knew he was going to win the election, my mother said that he wouldn't win but we should campaign anyway...but I knew he would win...the alternative was unthinkable...another four years of Nixon, surely the American public could see that he was a crook, surely they were at least as smart as me who had just a few months earlier graduated from Cottage Grove High School. Couldn't the people see what he was doing to this country? Couldn't they see every night on the evening news the body count from the 'conflict' in VietNam? Even as the poles on the east coast closed I clung to the hope that the American people would have as much sense as this 18 year old.
Every year I held out hope that the right person would win and every year I was disapointed. Jimmy Carter, whom I now respect won, but he was a Christian, one of those people who at that time I thought were lacking common sense. In 92 Clinton won and I was happy I have pictures of my then 1year old daughter in front of the TV with Bill Clinton's baby pictures on the screen. But hope? Maybe a little.
Even in 2000 and 2004 I held out hope that Bush would not win. He didn't really but no one seemed to care no one was willing to fight for what was right and for the rights of the American people. I wept as I watched my country and my religion hi-jacked.
Some call me cynical. I knew Bush knew about 9/11 before it happened, my family and friends thought I was nuts.
Yet this year as the election drew near I had hope. Hope for a future for this country. Hope that all the evil done in our name and in the name of my god would be made right. I have to admit that my first choice was Kucinich, but when Obama was the candidate I got behind him. I spoke with people who were so afraid that someone else would win, and I asked how is it possible that someone else could win surely the American people could see? The cynic bringing hope to the more positive people....
The day after the election I went shopping and there were more people in the stores than I had seen for a while. In Costo I ran across a hispanic family 2 teens a preteen and 2 parents. I understood very little of what they were talking about...but I saw the smiles and I heard the name Obama!
Am I looking to a person to fix the world? No, I am looking for a people who have hope, who can see that business as usual doesn't work. People who put their trust in their God and walk in the way of peace and justice. Who put their faith into action to quote Bono Get up off their knees. As a Christian I follow the way of Christ. I believe in the sermon on the mount.
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the realm of heaven
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted,
Blessed are the gentle, for they shall inherit the earth
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied
Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy
Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God.
So what does hope look like? Today it looks like the tears running down the faces of the people who sang One Love, American Pie, In the name of Love and America the Beautiful at the Lincoln Memorial. It looks like the people who have held out hope for so many years that our country would be returned to us. It looks like the face of the child who is not a white protestant male and realizes that they too can become president. Yes WE Can!!
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