It has been about four and one half years since I first visited the church I am now leaving. I have to admit there were some huge red flags from the beginning. People were leaving, those remaining were anxious. The church felt "needy" , you know the feeling, like you walk in and huge vacuum is turned on and tries to suck you in.
The interim vicar was a newly ordained priest who was sent by the diocese to get things in order, after the departure of the much loved vicar. Her predecessor had been vicar of that church for 18 years but didn't always agree with the diocese, and didn't always keep quiet about it. The interim was only going to be there for 2 years. I told her that I was ordained by an independent charismatic group and was pursuing ordination through The Lindisfarne Community, which is a religious order with apostolic succession. I thought the poor woman was going to have a stroke, I was ready to call 911. I figured that she would be gone in a year so I didn't have anything to worry about.... Or did I?
She is still there as the priest-in-charge even though she told me that the interim could never be the priest in charge or vicar or rector.
I ended up getting involved as lector, then as youth leader, then as Eucharistic Minister and finally I was on the mission committee and fully assimilated into the Borg Collective... Oops I mean church.
I didn't agree with everything and I although I thought the vicar was a bit odd at times, I grew fond of her. I thought that I could make a difference which was, in retrospect, my biggest mistake. I wanted to help, and I lost myself in trying...
I became her scapegoat, the harder I tried the worse things got.
1 comment:
Thank you for leaving your thoughtful and supportive comment on my blog. I can certainly feel for what you are going through. I have gone to church my entire life (55 years) and was a member in good standing of this last church for 15 years. And then one interim pastor changes it all. But like your experience, I missed some red flags - church membership had dropped from 450 to 300 in just a couple of years. I think something very dysfunctional has been running in the background that I had been unaware of. Perhaps this pastor did me a favor by precipitating my departure.
Anyway, I will continue to follow your story and keep you in my prayers. And I am going to order that "Leaving Church" book. I imagine this is going to be a long mourning process.
Post a Comment